5-hour ENERGY®

5-hour ENERGY®: Thx @5hourenergyguy 4 my free shot! #5hourmission

So I got a sample of these in the mail from Smiley360 (which you shold totally check out if you don't already do this!!) and I totally loved them. I had never actually tried these before, which might be suprising based on how much energy drinks Mark drinks, but I was impressed. I loved the flavor, no cough syrupy taste or smell, and it worked! If you've never tried these, I would totally recommend giving it a try, I think you'll like it!

Coach Giftcard Giveaway!

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I've made it more than a week!!

 Every once in a while, an old friend's name pops into my head, and I go on a little facebook hunt. Usually I am totally and completely unsuccessful, but tonight, I actually found the person I was thinking of. I of course checked out the pictures to make sure it was the right person. She has a beautiful baby boy. Earlier, I was thinking about a few people I know who have kids who really just don't need to be parents. It's heartbreaking to say that I know a few people like this. I'm not being judgmental, these two mothers on my mind at the moment are honestly just terrible parents. It's 2 AM, so things are starting to really hurt, which is just something that doesn't even really faze me anymore. I have given up trying to go to bed at a reasonable time, and I have also decided that I will not be taking any more pain meds. A week was plenty. Which of course leaves me putting the two things together. I am sitting here in pain, unable to sleep, with six holes in my stomach, which may or may not make it possible to have another child. I think that the official odds are like 78% chance of getting pregnant within six months, which is admittedly pretty good, but still leaves a 22% chance of being miserable for no result.


There are moments on this journey that I wonder if what I am doing is just incredibly selfish. Another option to this would have been a hysterectomy. That would have effectively gotten ridden of the constant pain, and not ovulating wouldn't really be an issue if I didn't have ovaries. I mean, I already have a wonderful, amazing little girl, is it ridiculous of me to want another. Should I just be happy with what I have? Then of course back to the whole women who have kids who don't deserve kids issue. It's just not right that people like this can bring babies into the world. Here I am, wanting it so bad, and willing to do almost anything, and just, can't get pregnant. The world just isn't fair. But, I am an adult, I can't complain about what is fair and what isn't.

Day 3 Of Recovery

        My body is so turned around. I woke up at noon today, and I am really tired, but, of course can't sleep. I always find that when I find the time to nap during the day, I sleep better, and I think my body has realized that and wants to turn me around, haha. I guess it's not a terrible problem, but sure makes say, being with my family a bit difficult. I am certain that from now til about 4 or so I will get up and down, wander around, try and find something to do, etc. I have to add in here that I have the most awesome family ever. Savanah spent the night with Weeka and Unkie Munkie last night, and is sleeping at Mimi's tonight. She is being nice and gentle with me, what I worry about the most is when she wakes up in the mornings. She has a habit of literally lunging herself at me to wake me up, and I think I might die if she did.                                                       I accomplished a lot today. I wanted to do some walking, so we took a family trip to Goodwill and walked around. There was plenty to look at, a cart to hang on to, and comfie chairs and sofas to rest on. Best of all, I was able to walk around without being in the miserable heat, meaning my wounds stayed dry. I took a shower tonight, which felt like a major accomplishment. Things are still sore, and it kind of feels like I have been 'sucking it in' for a week now and my muscles are sore. Except some of the places that are sore are like, super deep. The incisions are a bit more black and blue today, but still look great. I want to take pictures, maybe I can get some help with it tomorrow. I would pay serious money to be able to cough, to just let our a big cough. I actually blew my nose today. It's the little things in life that mean the most. Who would have thought that I would be so thrilled to blow my nose?! Or so incredibly anxious to cough!!!            In other news, I can't wait to be able to sleep in my own bed. I slept in the recliner last night, and am camped out here again for tonight, since just the thought of laying flat makes me wince.  But I am so tired of sitting. Sitting or standing, that's all I can do. And I can't even stand up straight. I can't wait til I can get in the pool. Everything is so sore. My arms and shoulders are sore from lifting myself up and setting myself down. My back is sore since I can't seem to stand up straight to save my life. My ass is sore from sitting... But that is definitely enough complaining for one night! Is anyone out there even reading this???

Day One Post Op

      Well, surgery finally happened this morning after a week long delay. Everything went well, so I am told. As long as I remember correctly, my tubes were clear, she shot dye down them to check, she said I had a lot of endometriosis that she removed, around my bladder as well. ( I dunno, I am gonna have to research that one a bit cause I don't totally understand.) She said that she got about 80% of it our. She did the ovarian wedge resection, which is what I believe is what is causing the most pain. It hurts pretty good, but it's totally tolerable. There are 6 incisions on my belly, but they are all pretty small. The biggest is only about an inch and a half give or take right over my belly button. This hurts, it's no walk in the park, and I would say that I am basically miserable, BUT, I also have to add that it's not nearly as painful as I mentally prepared myself for, which is a welcome surprise.
       My mom and Mark have been amazing, and there for me for every moment of today. My mom was here the whole time I was waking up, helping me get up when I wanted to, sit up, scoot around and all the other unreasonable things that I just had to do. I can't stand being stuck, that is like one of the worst things ever. Mark is here, has been here, and won't be going anywhere thank you very much. I know that this was probably hardest on him because of his life expreiences, and he has been a trooper. My poor husband who can't handle anything gross has helped me with everything, even the gross parts without batting an eye. I really still don't understand how I got so lucky. He is passed out next to me on the tiny little couch bed. He picked up Savanah and made sure that I got to see her today. She was a bit afraid, and asked me several times to cover up my booboos. They seem to sting when fabric touches them so I have had them uncovered most of today. I'll post a picture when I can.
       On a side note, my doctor but me on a liquid diet, which totally sucks cause I am actually quite hungry, and it seems that the only kind of commercials on tonight are food commercials. Mark told me if I feel up to it, he promises to take me to Olive Garden tomorrow, haha, I think it's just a plot to make me do what he says today. I am kind of a hard-headed patient.
       I hope that one day someone like me can google this and learn about these procedures, and what to expect. I really wanted that, but coudn't really find much info. We still have to see what the future holds, but so far, so good.  And on that night, it's about time for me to go to sleep, the sooner I sleep, the sooner I can wake up first thing in the am and order some breakfast. I am drooling right now thinking about the grits :)
      Ta ta for now!

Book Fair Day!

So I am getting ready for Savanah's school 'book fair; this morning, and I have to say, I am excited, but also a bit worried. I can't even express how it makes me feel to know how few parents will actually be there. I just don't understand why more parents don't care. Yes, I realize that it's a Thursday, and most parents don't have as flexible of a schedule as I do, but, with over a month of advance notice, how hard is it really to get a day off? It's just sad that people don't care. Even when her school hosts movie or craft nights, and free dinner is provided very few people actually come, although it seems that when they offer free dinner the attendance increases drastically. Don't parents realize that if they want their children to be successful, to excell, they have to be involved in their children's lives. It makes me think of another parent that I know who does her daughter's homework instead of helping her learn the assignment. I would be withholding a great deal of what I feel if I didn't bring up the whole fertility issue. It's just not right that people who could care less about their children's academic 'career' can have babies all day, yet people who truly care about the development of their children have to struggle. I think we should not only be able to preform a citizen's arrest, but a citizen's custody intervention. Why can't I just bring home the babies that parents let play on busy roads with no supervision. I recently saw a woman spank her maybe 2 year old daughter who was playing out front of her triplex unsupervised after the baby smashed her fingers in an industrial mop bucket. Spank her!? The poor little girl was crying almost hysterically from the pain; it would amaze me if her fingers weren't actually broken, and instead of offering comfort or realizing that by not watching her daughter, she might as well have smashed her daughter's fingers herself, her first reaction was to inflict pain on her child. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.  Time for me to get ready to actually be an involved parent! I'm excited!

The Begining

      This blog is mostly for me, so I can let out all the things I am keeping in, but, if my friends and family read it, maybe they will know the things that I am just not so good at letting out. I'm pretty outgoing, but when I think about it, there is so much in my day to day life, good and bad, that I just, keep inside. But that's not healthy, and even if I am the only one to read this, it will be good for me. 

       I realize that I am going to have a great bit of time on my hands over the next few weeks, and will need something to do with myself while I am, well, unable to do much else. I am the kind of person who prefers several irons in the fire, but, I guess life is going to be slowing me down. In a lot of ways, I am pretty worried about it. How will Mark possibly be able to do all this? Will Savanah understand why she can't cuddle with me (which happens so rarely, but is such a treat when she does...)? What about my puppy? How will he feel laying next to me, unable to really visit with me for a little bit for fear that his big old feet will be used as weapons. 

       Then of course, I have my thoughts on doing this surgery. The risks are very minor, only two risks really. Am I selfish for wanting this? Is it fair for my family to even have to deal with me out of commission for a few weeks for something that might not work. Am I crazy for wanting this so bad? Will this actually make the pain go away???

       But then maybe, just maybe, it will work. Maybe we will get what we have been wanting for so long. I just don't know if I can continue to handle the massive disappointment month after month.  


Info on the surgery can be found here : Ovarian Wedge Resection