I've made it more than a week!!

 Every once in a while, an old friend's name pops into my head, and I go on a little facebook hunt. Usually I am totally and completely unsuccessful, but tonight, I actually found the person I was thinking of. I of course checked out the pictures to make sure it was the right person. She has a beautiful baby boy. Earlier, I was thinking about a few people I know who have kids who really just don't need to be parents. It's heartbreaking to say that I know a few people like this. I'm not being judgmental, these two mothers on my mind at the moment are honestly just terrible parents. It's 2 AM, so things are starting to really hurt, which is just something that doesn't even really faze me anymore. I have given up trying to go to bed at a reasonable time, and I have also decided that I will not be taking any more pain meds. A week was plenty. Which of course leaves me putting the two things together. I am sitting here in pain, unable to sleep, with six holes in my stomach, which may or may not make it possible to have another child. I think that the official odds are like 78% chance of getting pregnant within six months, which is admittedly pretty good, but still leaves a 22% chance of being miserable for no result.


There are moments on this journey that I wonder if what I am doing is just incredibly selfish. Another option to this would have been a hysterectomy. That would have effectively gotten ridden of the constant pain, and not ovulating wouldn't really be an issue if I didn't have ovaries. I mean, I already have a wonderful, amazing little girl, is it ridiculous of me to want another. Should I just be happy with what I have? Then of course back to the whole women who have kids who don't deserve kids issue. It's just not right that people like this can bring babies into the world. Here I am, wanting it so bad, and willing to do almost anything, and just, can't get pregnant. The world just isn't fair. But, I am an adult, I can't complain about what is fair and what isn't.

Day 3 Of Recovery

        My body is so turned around. I woke up at noon today, and I am really tired, but, of course can't sleep. I always find that when I find the time to nap during the day, I sleep better, and I think my body has realized that and wants to turn me around, haha. I guess it's not a terrible problem, but sure makes say, being with my family a bit difficult. I am certain that from now til about 4 or so I will get up and down, wander around, try and find something to do, etc. I have to add in here that I have the most awesome family ever. Savanah spent the night with Weeka and Unkie Munkie last night, and is sleeping at Mimi's tonight. She is being nice and gentle with me, what I worry about the most is when she wakes up in the mornings. She has a habit of literally lunging herself at me to wake me up, and I think I might die if she did.                                                       I accomplished a lot today. I wanted to do some walking, so we took a family trip to Goodwill and walked around. There was plenty to look at, a cart to hang on to, and comfie chairs and sofas to rest on. Best of all, I was able to walk around without being in the miserable heat, meaning my wounds stayed dry. I took a shower tonight, which felt like a major accomplishment. Things are still sore, and it kind of feels like I have been 'sucking it in' for a week now and my muscles are sore. Except some of the places that are sore are like, super deep. The incisions are a bit more black and blue today, but still look great. I want to take pictures, maybe I can get some help with it tomorrow. I would pay serious money to be able to cough, to just let our a big cough. I actually blew my nose today. It's the little things in life that mean the most. Who would have thought that I would be so thrilled to blow my nose?! Or so incredibly anxious to cough!!!            In other news, I can't wait to be able to sleep in my own bed. I slept in the recliner last night, and am camped out here again for tonight, since just the thought of laying flat makes me wince.  But I am so tired of sitting. Sitting or standing, that's all I can do. And I can't even stand up straight. I can't wait til I can get in the pool. Everything is so sore. My arms and shoulders are sore from lifting myself up and setting myself down. My back is sore since I can't seem to stand up straight to save my life. My ass is sore from sitting... But that is definitely enough complaining for one night! Is anyone out there even reading this???

Day One Post Op

      Well, surgery finally happened this morning after a week long delay. Everything went well, so I am told. As long as I remember correctly, my tubes were clear, she shot dye down them to check, she said I had a lot of endometriosis that she removed, around my bladder as well. ( I dunno, I am gonna have to research that one a bit cause I don't totally understand.) She said that she got about 80% of it our. She did the ovarian wedge resection, which is what I believe is what is causing the most pain. It hurts pretty good, but it's totally tolerable. There are 6 incisions on my belly, but they are all pretty small. The biggest is only about an inch and a half give or take right over my belly button. This hurts, it's no walk in the park, and I would say that I am basically miserable, BUT, I also have to add that it's not nearly as painful as I mentally prepared myself for, which is a welcome surprise.
       My mom and Mark have been amazing, and there for me for every moment of today. My mom was here the whole time I was waking up, helping me get up when I wanted to, sit up, scoot around and all the other unreasonable things that I just had to do. I can't stand being stuck, that is like one of the worst things ever. Mark is here, has been here, and won't be going anywhere thank you very much. I know that this was probably hardest on him because of his life expreiences, and he has been a trooper. My poor husband who can't handle anything gross has helped me with everything, even the gross parts without batting an eye. I really still don't understand how I got so lucky. He is passed out next to me on the tiny little couch bed. He picked up Savanah and made sure that I got to see her today. She was a bit afraid, and asked me several times to cover up my booboos. They seem to sting when fabric touches them so I have had them uncovered most of today. I'll post a picture when I can.
       On a side note, my doctor but me on a liquid diet, which totally sucks cause I am actually quite hungry, and it seems that the only kind of commercials on tonight are food commercials. Mark told me if I feel up to it, he promises to take me to Olive Garden tomorrow, haha, I think it's just a plot to make me do what he says today. I am kind of a hard-headed patient.
       I hope that one day someone like me can google this and learn about these procedures, and what to expect. I really wanted that, but coudn't really find much info. We still have to see what the future holds, but so far, so good.  And on that night, it's about time for me to go to sleep, the sooner I sleep, the sooner I can wake up first thing in the am and order some breakfast. I am drooling right now thinking about the grits :)
      Ta ta for now!